Surviving or Thriving What if there was a checklist of things we could do to have our DREAM relationship? Dreaming, envisioning, aspiring, these are invitations to curiosity, hope, and self-awareness. When curiosity is on board, connection is possible. Curiosity is a close cousin to safety. Relationships thrive when there is safety. When in distress we turn towards each other, especially when our partner is the cause of our stress or distress. The alternative to thriving is s

In the complex tapestry of human relationships, few bonds hold as much significance as the one between parents and their adult children. This intricate dance of love, history, and shared experiences can be both deeply fulfilling and profoundly challenging.

Finding the One Finding one’s true love has been the dream of lovers throughout history...The bubble of romantic love will burst and you will find yourself locked in a power struggle. But (after this workshop) now you know yourself, and...you are prepared for what is coming. From Keeping the Love Find by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt The fairy tale sometimes ends happily ever after but more frequently it just ends, before we have a chance to move from the unconsciou

Love and happiness are biological.

Strong relationships lead to long, healthy, happy lives.

Brilliant Adaptations As adults, other people's character traits trigger us in intimate relationships Take a closer look at the characteristics that precipitate our mean-spirited response with those closest to us. Meanwhile, in other settings, we display a loving, conscious, and empathetic pattern. We respond to triggers with the traits that we most need. Defense responses develop in childhood creating a sense of safety. Adaptive behaviors are need when we are unable to fee

I imagine, we all know the difference between a genuine warm welcome and a half-hearted, reluctant gesture that is meant to pass for welcoming. We know this deeply in our nervous systems, well before our brains assign meaning to the feelings that arise from a lack of genuine engagement. Our amazing and brilliant survival system is generally excellent at gathering data and sorting it into safe or not-safe buckets. It knows the difference between warm and welcoming and fake hos

Photo by In 1977, I was both captivated and alarmed, along with the rest of the movie-going world when Steven Spielberg’s dream movie came to local theaters. Close Encounters of the Third Kind was a sci-fi movie hailed for its child-like wonder of the unknown. The phrase close encounters of the third kind refers to human encounters with extra-terrestrials. Lost Connection An unintended consequence of a worldwide pandemic was the loss of connection experienced face to face, p

I imagine today’s generation of young people being asked this question by their children in the next generation. This is a historic mome...

How Are You? Good enough! The first memorable time I heard that phrase was when my supervisor responded to my query “How are you?”...

Hall of Famers At Bat: John Gottman’s research tells us that 67%* of the differences between partners are unresolvable and THIS ...

Desperate Times Just when we thought it was safe enough to live again, all of our hope, optimism, and relief were rudely yanked away...

As we looked back on the last year, my husband said, “we have had an amazing year, despite all of the hard things that have happened.”...

How Are You? Good enough! The first memorable time I heard that phrase was when my supervisor responded to my query “How are you?” I was surprised, delighted, and curious when he said, “Good enough!” with a delightful upward lilt and a chuckle. What does it mean to be good enough? Is it “okay” to not be great or superlative in some way? I grew up in a family of overachievers. Good enough would never cut the mustard! If I was not doing my best, trying the hardest, and putting

Hall of Famers At Bat John Gottman’s research tells us that 67%* of the differences between partners are unresolvable and THIS is the good news. Recently I was talking shop with my brother, whose field of work is vastly different than my own. I mentioned this fact to him and his immediate, and absolutely fabulous response was, “if I were a baseball player, I would be batting 330 and in the Baseball Hall of Fame!” He then added, “if I were a racehorse I would be among the best

As we looked back on the last year, my husband said, “we have had an amazing year, despite all of the hard things that have happened.” I looked at him blankly and said “I heard you say that we have had an amazing year, despite the hard things. And I just can’t feel the amazing stuff right now.” He responded saying: “Sure. That makes sense.” How we connect When we use the skills we learned in therapy, we find ourselves connecting, hearing, understanding, and empathizing with

Desperate Times Just when we thought it was safe enough to live again, all of our hope, optimism, and relief were rudely yanked away. Just like that, we are back to living in the reality that there is little we can know with certainty regarding what will happen next in this time of pandemic-monium. In the last eighteen months, I have done many things to calm my inner YIKES. There have been podcasts, neurobiological training, and endless meetings with friends, family, and cli