8 things I want you to know about betrayal and repair Is it possible for a relationship to come back from the brink after a profound breach of trust? Can we survive a betrayal and find our way back to one another? By betrayal, I mean any action—large or small—that chips away at the sense of certainty between us. Brené Brown describes trust as built on reliability and consistency over time, and in seasons of uncertainty, we long more than ever for something we can count on. "T

Couples do not need to repair every conflict in three minutes to have a lasting relationship—but learning how to come back to each other, with less delay and more kindness, can transform the way love feels over time.​ The Myth of the 3-Minute Repair Not long ago, an Instagram post stopped me mid-scroll. It claimed couples together for 30-plus years stay strong by returning to repair within three minutes of a rupture—apparently backed by research from Switzerland, Canada, and

What Imago Taught Me About Real Connection For 25 years, I was married to an active alcoholic. I spent so many nights believing that if I just found the right words, used the gentle tone, picked the perfect moment, or was the most understanding partner ever—he’d finally choose us over drinking. I tried everything. It took me a long time to understand that alcoholism is a disease. And that no amount of love, logic, or careful communication could fix it. When the marriage ended

Talk less! Harville Hendrix says "Talking is the most dangerous thing we do in our relationships." Talking, the way we try to connect, often becomes the very thing that causes distress and rupture. When we are activated, what if we pause. When in doubt do nothing. Breathe. Notice and name what you can about You. Is there a story? Do you have an impulse to act or leave? Three ways to be curious about you in the moment could include: sensations in my body: my breath, my heart r

Shift your perspective and get more connected.

Do things to be consciously connected to each other. It's amazing how your relationship will transform.

Survival By survival, I mean our default wiring that is always scanning the horizon for cues or signals of danger. It could be as minor as an autonomic uh-oh. Or as big as hell no! We are wired for survival, as evidenced by our actual survival. Negative bias has something to do with this success. Evolution primes us to be alert, avoid potential danger, and live to see another day. Negative bias manifests when a negative or positive experience may be similar in emotional level

In the complex tapestry of human relationships, few bonds hold as much significance as the one between parents and their adult children. This intricate dance of love, history, and shared experiences can be both deeply fulfilling and profoundly challenging.

Finding the One Finding one’s true love has been the dream of lovers throughout history...The bubble of romantic love will burst and you will find yourself locked in a power struggle. But (after this workshop) now you know yourself, and...you are prepared for what is coming. From Keeping the Love Find by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt The fairy tale sometimes ends happily ever after but more frequently it just ends, before we have a chance to move from the unconsciou

Strong relationships lead to long, healthy, happy lives.

Brilliant Adaptations As adults, other people's character traits trigger us in intimate relationships Take a closer look at the characteristics that precipitate our mean-spirited response with those closest to us. Meanwhile, in other settings, we display a loving, conscious, and empathetic pattern. We respond to triggers with the traits that we most need. Defense responses develop in childhood creating a sense of safety. Adaptive behaviors are need when we are unable to fee

Hall of Famers At Bat John Gottman’s research tells us that 67%* of the differences between partners are unresolvable and THIS is the good news. Recently I was talking shop with my brother, whose field of work is vastly different than my own. I mentioned this fact to him and his immediate, and absolutely fabulous response was, “if I were a baseball player, I would be batting 330 and in the Baseball Hall of Fame!” He then added, “if I were a racehorse I would be among the best

As we looked back on the last year, my husband said, “we have had an amazing year, despite all of the hard things that have happened.” I looked at him blankly and said “I heard you say that we have had an amazing year, despite the hard things. And I just can’t feel the amazing stuff right now.” He responded saying: “Sure. That makes sense.” How we connect When we use the skills we learned in therapy, we find ourselves connecting, hearing, understanding, and empathizing with

Would you like to get a cup of coffee? That moment when he first walked over to me, my heart was pounding. I can still see myself all of these years later. I think I may have blushed. He leaned forward and asked if I would like to get a cup of coffee. We had known each other for more than a year, causally meeting among friends once or twice a week. We had talked about ourselves in the safety of the group, sharing intimately. I was well into my 40's and had not been on a "dat

You may have heard of the Imago relationship couples workshop: Getting the Love You Want. But did you know that there is an Imago workshop for individuals, too? All of us got to adulthood with our very own unique baggage. We have filled it along the way with the unmet needs of childhood, our lost parts, and our brilliant adaptive behaviors. And we watched our baggage play out in all our adult relationships. The problem with all our relationships is that we are the common deno

10 ingredients in the recipe of a dream relationship. What to look for in your partner and how to be your better self! It takes two to tango, baby!

All my survival instincts are on high alert and every possible transgression, thoughtless action or selfish choice kicks me into a level of outrage that is scaring me. To be clear, my perspective is that people are transgressing thoughtlessly and selfishly. And my fear is fanning the flames of judgment and righteousness. The more my lizard brain detects danger, the more I dig in on my survival. Expressing empathy feels particularly hard right now. What’s really happening: The

Is there a pattern here? “When was the last time you two had sex and was it satisfying?” Couples coming to me for the first time will be asked this question. I usually tell them that some therapists say that “if you fix the sex, the rest will follow,” and others say: “if you fix the (fill in the blank…communication, conflict resolution, intimacy, etc.) the sex will follow.” I say it doesn’t matter whether you start with sex or communication, the patterns that hinder connectio

Having a consciously connected relationship means it is okay to disagree, it is possible to fight fairly, and our differences are welcomed.

Connection is the skill most couples really need to learn.